It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. [Galatians 5:1]

I'm sorry I haven't been blogging much lately.  Honestly, life has been pretty crazy.  Let me update you.

I'm going to India this summer for the entire month of July.  Leaving June 28, coming home August 2.  The organization I'm going with is called Advancing Native Missions, but we'll be working with Bombay Teen Challenge. It's sort of funny, I'm going with several older women (not terribly old, but no one my age).  We'll be spending some time in Mumbai, but most of our time will be spend in Ashagram, Jubilee homes, or the AIDS home.  Ashagram (Village of Hope) is a large compound with a home for women who have been rescued out of sex slavery and are learning a trade, the Bible, receiving counseling, etc.  Also within the Village of Hope there is a boys home, for street boys and the sons/nephews of prostitutes.  The Jubilee homes are for the daughters of prostitutes, street girls, at risk children, etc.  The AIDS home is for HIV positive children and AIDS orphans.  I'll probably spend time at all of them, finding my fit for where to spend most of my time after visiting them all.  More than likely I will be helping to teach English, perhaps some Bible classes, and other things.  I'm not entirely sure what the Lord has in store specifically for me to do, but I know I'm going to be loving these children in the name of Jesus.  :)  


I'm graduating an entire year early.  Not just one semester like I thought.  I'm graduating from Liberty University, May 2012, with a Bachelor's degree in Health Promotion: CHES, at the prime age of 20.  


I also may have a position lined up to be a health clinic coordinator in India for an extended period, following my graduation of college, but I'll save you all that information.  


In other news, Jesus is amazing.  I FINALLY FINALLY FINALLY UNDERSTAND MY IDENTITY IN CHRIST.  I am more than a conqueror.  I am a saint.  I don't have to live by the Old Covenant any longer.  It is for freedom that Christ has set me free.  I have authority in Christ.  Holy Spirit lives inside of me!  The KINGDOM IS WITHIN ME (Luke 17:21)!  I don't have to ask God for more of Him or fire to fall on me, because HE IS ALREADY DWELLING WITHIN ME!  I have direct access to God through the Holy Spirit!  


If you're interested in learning about what I'm talking about, feel free to check out my other blog or these resources:  


http://iamrevival-blog.tumblr.com/post/3507567699/new-covenant

http://classyliving.tumblr.com/post/3560540989/a-quick-statement

For scripture on your identity in Christ, click here.

redemption never felt so good

I think the time has come for me to write out my experiences from Passion2011.  :)
If you read this blog, you know I've been going through a major rough season.  The last two months have been pretty terrible.  I've had some definite highs, but a lot more lows.  Lows covered in depression, insomnia, panic attacks, rebellion, etc.  January 1st 2011 I went to Atlanta to the Passion conference, where close to 25,000 college students gather and love God.  The hotel I was staying in had a prayer room for the conference that students could sign up to pray any time from midnight to 7 am.  As I have insomnia, I figured that would be a brilliant way to spend time.  I signed up for 1 am the night of the 1st (so technically it was the morning of the 2nd).  The prayer room turned out to be a sort of a journey through prayer stations.  The first one was named "Purify Your Heart."  If you know me at all, you know I'm an OBSESSIVE journaler.  For me, it is how I stay connected with Jesus.  It is how I stay functioning.  Well the last two months, I haven't been journaling.  So as I sat down at station number one, I pulled out my journal. . . and began to confess to God how I had broken my Nazirite vow (I began my vow on October 1, 2010).  I guess the Lord had just been waiting for me to confess because the moment I began, the Lord began speaking to me.  And because I was ready to make a change, I actually began to listen and write down every word the Lord spoke to me.  I won't type it all out, but to summarize it, the Lord told me to think about a marriage between a man and woman and how they say vows.  He told me that because I had broken my vow, I had been cheating on Him, just like an adulterous wife.  Then He said He had been waiting because He knew I would remember His promises and love.  He then told me to read Hosea.  Keep in mind I'm sitting at prayer station one in a hotel in the middle of the night.  I read Hosea.  The whole thing, right there.  And duuuuude. . .  the Lord told me I had been being Gomer.  Wake up call much?!  I'm going to type out some of the verses and then what the Lord showed me in response to them.  


2.6a - Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
Insomnia. Panic attacks. 
2.6b - I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
Depression.  
2.7 - She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them.
I'll spare you the details, but this was true also.
2.13b - she decked herself with rings and jewelry, and went after lovers, but me she forgot.
I got my nose pierced in COMPLETE disobedience and disrespect towards my mother.
11.2a - But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me.
If you recall, back in late October I felt the Lord was calling me into a deeper intimacy involving much sacrifice. However, shortly after that, I began backing away from Jesus.  Backing away from the gospel.  Running away from intimacy.  I was scared.  I didn't think I could do it.  


I don't know if you've ever read Hosea.  I never had in its entirety.  If you have, you know, there is good news.  :)  Just as Israel returned to God, so did I.  Just as the Word says, I prayed, "Forgive all my sins and receive me graciously, that I may offer the fruit of my lips." (14.2).  So good news!  14.4: I will heal their waywardness and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them.  He loves me freely.  I have been redeemed.  The rest of Passion brought much needed healing.  I'll post more about that later.  Thank you for taking the time to read my journey with Jesus.  It's an adventure for sure..  Good thing I have the King of Kings on my side.  :)

Sometimes honesty is quite ugly

Sometimes when I sit down to blog, I know exactly what I want to say.  Other times, I have a direction I'd like to go, but I'm not really sure.  But sometimes, I have no clue, I just let the Holy Spirit lead my fingers.  Currently, I'm sitting in the public library, on a PC,  in which I have 49 remaining minutes before I'll get knocked off.  I'm wasting time before meeting one of my best friends that I go a year between each time I get to see him.  We were supposed to hang out this afternoon, so I drove into town, only to find out he couldn't hang out for like two and half more hours.  My mom didn't want me to waste the gas to drive all the way home then all the way back, so I thought hmm, I'll go to the library...

I'm going to be brutally honest, I have been doing a terrible job at being a Christian lately, let alone a Nazirite.  As I drove to the library, I thought about how I haven't consistently journaled in like two months.  I thought about how I don't usually encounter the Lord when I'm worshipping, but more when I'm writing [or typing].  Then I listened to this track on a Jonathan David Helser cd, where some guy is talking about how much God loves us.  He says, "There is nothing you can do to make God love you any more than He already does, and there is also nothing you can do to make God love you any less."  Usually listening to this guys Word makes me pumped to learn to love God better, however today, I was just like, dude if there is nothing I can do to make Him love me any more or less, why bother trying.  I've been doing so sucky at loving God lately anyways, why should I make a difference in my life to try to fix things.  Why not just keep living in this mediocrity.  Why not keep living inconsistantly.  If there is nothing I can do to change His love for me, then it's okay to love Him well sometimes and love Him badly other times.  Then the Lord reminded me how frustrated I am that my friend bailed on me this afternoon and I'm having to waste hours of my day waiting for him.  The Lord said, "Casey, there is nothing you can do to make Me love you less, but it hurts that you don't care enough about Me to spend time with Me.  You long for this time with your friend because you don't get to see him often, but Me, you can talk to Me anytime, but you choose not to.  You choose not to pursue Me.  But beloved, no matter how much you cause My heart to ache, I won't love you less, because you are my shining star, you are my beloved Casey, I will never give up on you." 

Now I sit and I type and I hear the whisper of my Savior calling me back to Him.  But I'm numb.  In that same Word from the guy I was talking about earlier, he says that God's love for us will not change, but what will change is our ability to receive His love.  I think I'm numb to receiving God's love... 

Jesus, break this wall I've built.  Tear it down.  God, I want to be able to receive Your love.  I feel like I'm in the middle of this epic battle between heaven and hell for the devotion of my heart.  Jesus, I choose You.  I will always choose you.  But please, please don't stop fighting for me.  I'm over mediocrity.  I want all my affections to be aimed at You again.  I love You God, I love You.

since i haven't posted in a while...

This was one of the hardest semesters of college thus far. It was academically challenging, spiritually draining, emotionally demanding, mentally testing, etc. However, as ironic as this may be, I did AWESOME in all my classes. I made a B in Microbiology, which I am stinkin’ proud of, and I made A’s in all my other classes, including Statistics! Yeah, that’s right, I got an A in Statistics. yay!

I’m very curious as to how next semester is going to be.  I [finally] have a work study job. I have a class with my best friend. It’s funny, she’s a year ahead of me, but declared her major a year after me (we have the same major).  

I just pray that in the next 3 weeks I can get filled up with the Spirit and back on track with my nazirite vow.  

[no clue why the font is brown, but i don't hate it. ;) ]

"ring by spring"

It seems like everything anyone is talking about lately is relationships and dating.  [Heads up, this blog is probably going to be very scattered.] Here is the reality of the situation: I am in my second year of college and I have never been on a date. I know nothing about dating or relationships. Not because I don't want to, but just because I have no experience whatsoever.   Today, as my friends were once again talking about relationships, my friend Chadley said this: 

You're not ready to be in a relationship until your willing not to be in a relationship.

Sometimes I feel like the normal is sort of different for me.  And this phrase has been really stuck to me lately - I was not made for the ordinary.  But then, what does that mean in this context?  

Is it any different for someone who has never been in a relationship?  I'm completely okay with not being in a relationship in this moment.  I still have growing up to do.  However, I was thinking about what if I never get married.  Because the Lord has put a fire in my heart for the prostitutes and trafficked in India.  What if the Lord wants me to give my whole life to that?  And surrender the idea of having a husband and children.  I don't think this is the case, but if it is, I want to at least experience what it is like to have a boyfriend.    

I would like to think that the Lord has kept me so pure and unheartbroken, so He could bring a pure and unheartbroken guy into my life to romance me and we could model the love of Jesus and His church.  However, that could just be me being a hopeless romantic.  I like this idea the best.  I know the Lord has kept me pure for a reason.  And I don't mean just sexually pure, I mean completely pure in heart.  I praise God that He has created me to be this.  As ignorant as it may make me seem sometimes, I adore my purity.  I don't need a ring on my finger proclaiming that I'm "waiting."  Pure is just what the Lord created me to be.  Although in saying that, I must also face the fact that I am extremely fearful of having my heartbroken.  My friend Sarah told me that she thinks every girl should experience heartbreak because you learn so much through it.  Maybe that is true, but I honestly hope that I am enough out of the ordinary that I don't need to have my heart broken.  

But here is the reality.  

I'm nineteen.  

I'm a sophomore in college.

I don't need to know.  

God is sovereign.  

He has a perfect plan for my life.  

He wants me sanctified.  

So here I stand, as a 19 year old chasing after her Bridegroom.  I am not content with not being in a relationship.  But as our relationship deepens, I will be content with being married to the Prince of Peace, Son of the King of Kings. 

Adam Young (Owl City) said this:

"She is out there. My cinderella.  She is real.  She exists.  I pray for her constantly.  May God satisfy the desires of her heart, draw her close, consume her.  May he claim her passions, her identity, her refuge, her hopes, her strengths and weaknesses, every fiber of her being. May she treasure and cherish her Savior more than anything of this world and cling to His will with every ounce of her stamina. By all that she is, does, and strives to be, may He draw near to her and she to Him."  

 I stand trusting that my earthly prince will one day come.

live the gospel

This was a discussion board for my Introduction to Missions class.  I thought some of you may enjoy my response. The question was:  

"With 1/6 of the modern world under the control and domination of the Muslim faith, the Church must develop a strategy for penetrating this rigid and cloistered section of the world. What approach would you make to reaching the Muslim world?"

First and foremost, I believe that prayer is what is going to radically shift the Muslim population.  I could try to explain a seven-step plan of how to share the gospel with a Muslim and how to lead a whole nation to Christ.  However, I am rigorously in love with Jesus and the Holy Spirit has given me the ability to pray perfect prayers from heaven.  Don’t get me wrong, but if I went to Uzbekistan with the intention of radically sharing the gospel, I would probably do something wrong and land myself in jail, or even more likely dead.  The discussion board question is asking what we would/will do to reach the Muslim world. I will pray.  I have heard hundreds of stories of Muslims having dreams and visions about Jesus, and becoming a Christian without ever hearing an “outsider” to their village say the name of Jesus.  I’ve heard multiple stories about a Muslim having a dream that Jesus came to them and told them a white man would come and tell them how to have eternal life (or something along those lines) and then the next week, a missionary comes into their village for the first time.  Praise God that He still works through visions and dreams.  As a part of the Church, while I’m in college, I will pray for the Muslim world; I will pray that Jesus would appear to the unreached Muslim population in dreams and visions.  

Secondly, I will go.  Again, I am answering this personally, not as the Church as a whole, but as what I will do to help the Church invest in the Muslim world.  Sometime after graduation, I am planning on moving to India.  I believe the Lord has already began to unveil His plan for me to minister to women in brothels.  Many of these women will be Muslim, as it is, along with Hindu, a prominent religion in India. I want to invest my life in these women.  I plan on loving them with the unconditional love of Jesus.  I will lead them into a relationship with me where they can completely trust me.  And in this discipleship (yes, I believe discipleship can start prior to salvation), I will show these girls who Jesus is.  I will live the gospel and love the gospel and speak the gospel and be the gospel.  This is how I will approach Islam; consumed with the love of Jesus.  

crumpled at the feet of Jesus

Saturday I got to have lunch with my best friend Taylor.  We go to college about five hours apart and do not get to see each other often.  Since we were both home for thanksgiving, I was stoked to get to catch up with her. We exchanged stories of what has been going on in our lives and what the Lord has been up to.  I was venting to her about how I have realized that mercy (which stems into serving) is my most prevalent spiritual gift.  I explained to her that I have realized that it hurts when you care more about a person than they care about you; or a friendship, relationship, ministry, etc.  Taylor immediately responded, "Yeah, but doesn't that just make you more like God?  I mean, that's how He feels. He loves and cares about us so much, and we don't return the same affection."  


Can you say, "WOW!"   


That is seriously so friggin' good.  Here I am, wallowing in self-pity, when I really should be rejoicing because I am becoming more like Jesus. Jeez, I just want to punch myself sometimes for being such a dummy.  I am doing this Nazirite vow to be consecrated, to be set apart, to be made holy. I've been sitting around being depressed, and God is probably like, "Come on Case, snap out of it, I'm doing what you've been asking for, you just can't see it because you're too busy worrying about how messed up you are."  


It's funny, almost two months ago when I became a Nazirite, I expected to get so spiritually mature, wise, joyous, happy, consumed, etc.  I thought it would be easy.  Boy was I wrong.  Maybe for some Nazirite's it is easy, but for me, it is ROUGH.  I've questioned my faith a whole lot more in the last two months than ever before.  I've wanted to give up a whole lot in the last two months.  I've wanted to run away a whole lot in the last two months.  I've honestly prayed a lot less in the last two months.  I believe that I needed to be completely broken before God could begin to restore me and make me holy.  I think I needed to be burnt out to see how I cannot do it on my own.  I needed to get overwhelmed to lose my pride.  I needed to be broken in order to be made new.  However, all that to say, I'm still crumpled at the feet of Jesus, completely broken. And to be honest, if this means I'm becoming more like Jesus, I'm willing to stay in this place of brokenness.  Even though it hurts really bad and is extremely uncomfortable and monumentally lonely and doesn't make sense all the time.  Jesus was nailed to a cross, He definitely hurt.  He had no place to lay His head, so I'd assume He was rather uncomfortable.  The disciples wouldn't even stay awake long enough to pray for Him in Gethsemane, so I would imagine He felt loneliness.  


Here I am God.  I'm naked and broken, but I'm Yours.  Give me strength to become like You.  My love is EXTREMELY weak.  Change me in this weakness.