others can, but I cannot

While in Washington DC during fall break, my friends and I went to the Justice House of Prayer (JHOP). JHOP was started in 2004 by Lou Engle with a desire "to fast and pray in our nation’s capitol with a focus on the upcoming elections and for righteousness and justice to be established in America’s government." At JHOP, I noticed a small book called Nazirite DNA by Lou Engle. I recognized it as a book that my best friend Josh, who is interning at IHOP-KC, had told me about. After flipping through the book, I decided to purchase it. Every time I pick it up to read, the Lord speaks to my heart through Lou's words. I should have already finished it by now, as I bought it 6 days ago, but I think the enemy has been trying to distract me from reading it. Today I was sitting in the prayer chapel, journaling, and I decided that I wanted to blog about how having a servant's heart allows me to get hurt so easily because I expect people to treat me the way I treat them. For example, when someone is inconsiderate to me, I get really upset and frustrated because I serve them, so I expect them to be considerate to me. However, because I was in the prayer chapel, I decided it would be rude to pull out my laptop and blog, so I decided to read Nazirite DNA instead. Chapter 3 was called "The Vow." As I read, I realized I had not given my whole heart to God in this vow. I have only given Him like half of my heart, or even a fourth, or heck, it honestly was probably only like an eighth of my heart and dedication. Nazirites should be set apart. I should not be reflecting anything of this world. And lately as I have been learning to pray heavenly things and allow the Lord to edify my spirit, I have tasted and seen that His ways are higher than my ways, and much more satisfying. However, I haven't given Him my whole heart. In the book, Lou states, "Out of love and a higher vision, the Nazirite was actually choosing a lifestyle of holy discipline, which was more conducive to experiencing the pleasure of God on his heart." I haven't been choosing a life of holy discipline. I've been choosing bits and pieces of discipline I thought I could handle, but being a Nazirite is meant to be EXTREME. John the Baptist only ate locusts and honey, which is such an extreme discipline, but not only that, he also lived a lifestyle of fasting. Here is another passage from the book that WRECKED my heart.

"The Nazirite chooses a separated and lonely path, all for the glorious reward of laying hold of that for which God has laid hold of him. You have one life to live. Live it for the extreme - extreme pleasures of knowing God and being used mightily for him. Others can, but I cannot. I have been called as a Nazirite."

"Don't be afraid of loving God too much. The religious status quo will never understand your Nazirite passion. But love never counts the cost. It always get the most expensive thing in the house and pours it out on God (in reference to Mary at Bethany and her extravagant worship of Jesus)."

I have been doing this wrong. I made the initial move correctly. I feel the burn of the Nazirite. But I haven't given my heart fully to the discipline and sacrifice that knowing and being loved by the Father deserves. I haven't been living out of this world. I have been eating the same things I always would, the same things that this world eats. I have issues with food. I can very easily get obsessed with stuff. At the beginning of 2010 I did a Daniel Fast and got so obsessed with counting calories that I basically stopped eating all together. But as I surrender my EVERYTHING to God, I know that it won't become an obsession, because the pleasure I get in Christ will be so good and my mind and heart will be so focused on Jesus, I cannot get focused on food. I know that if I dedicate it to the Lord, He will honor my request.

I want to live as a Nazirite, not of this world. Another quote from the book is, "But they themselves will demonstrate, by the quality and sacrifice of their lives, a new alternative of hope and compassion in the earth. They will live out the kingdom of God in love, forgiveness and outrageous acts of compassion for the poor and the oppressed." That is the desire of my heart. I want to walk as a Nazirite, a person from another dimension, as Pete Greig's Vision talks about.

21 days (three weeks) into my vow, I am changing things. I am taking my vow to a deeper level. I am challenging society and willingly receiving opposition from mediocre Christianity. I am changing the way I eat. I am changing the way I do discipline. I am changing the way I live. All for the Gospel of Jesus.

The Lord is shifting my reality into heaven.