Saturday, October 30, 2010


“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 5:3-10

The beatitudes have always been a big deal to me for some reason. Yeah, it’s the word of God, and I guess all the word of God should be a big deal to me, but the beatitudes like hover in my mind all the time. It’s weird though, because the closer I get to achieving them all, the more I question what they really mean. And the more I strive towards them, the more I realize that they are implanted in my DNA, and that I have no reason to search for them.

I think I’m going to go through each of the verses and dig deep into the greek and apply it to my own life and see what happens. Hope you’ll read along. :)

Thursday, October 21, 2010

others can, but I cannot

While in Washington DC during fall break, my friends and I went to the Justice House of Prayer (JHOP). JHOP was started in 2004 by Lou Engle with a desire "
to fast and pray in our nation’s capitol with a focus on the upcoming elections and for righteousness and justice to be established in America’s government." At JHOP, I noticed a small book called Nazirite DNA by Lou Engle. I recognized it as a book that my best friend Josh, who is interning at IHOP-KC, had told me about. After flipping through the book, I decided to purchase it. Every time I pick it up to read, the Lord speaks to my heart through Lou's words. I should have already finished it by now, as I bought it 6 days ago, but I think the enemy has been trying to distract me from reading it. Today I was sitting in the prayer chapel, journaling, and I decided that I wanted to blog about how having a servant's heart allows me to get hurt so easily because I expect people to treat me the way I treat them. For example, when someone is inconsiderate to me, I get really upset and frustrated because I serve them, so I expect them to be considerate to me. However, because I was in the prayer chapel, I decided it would be rude to pull out my laptop and blog, so I decided to read Nazirite DNA instead. Chapter 3 was called "The Vow." As I read, I realized I had not given my whole heart to God in this vow. I have only given Him like half of my heart, or even a fourth, or heck, it honestly was probably only like an eighth of my heart and dedication. Nazirites should be set apart. I should not be reflecting anything of this world. And lately as I have been learning to pray heavenly things and allow the Lord to edify my spirit, I have tasted and seen that His ways are higher than my ways, and much more satisfying. However, I haven't given Him my whole heart. In the book, Lou states, "Out of love and a higher vision, the Nazirite was actually choosing a lifestyle of holy discipline, which was more conducive to experiencing the pleasure of God on his heart." I haven't been choosing a life of holy discipline. I've been choosing bits and pieces of discipline I thought I could handle, but being a Nazirite is meant to be EXTREME. John the Baptist only ate locusts and honey, which is such an extreme discipline, but not only that, he also lived a lifestyle of fasting. Here is another passage from the book that WRECKED my heart.

"The Nazirite chooses a separated and lonely path, all for the glorious reward of laying hold of that for which God has laid hold of him. You have one life to live. Live it for the extreme - extreme pleasures of knowing God and being used mightily for him. Others can, but I cannot. I have been called as a Nazirite."

"Don't be afraid of loving God too much. The religious status quo will never understand your Nazirite passion. But love never counts the cost. It always get the most expensive thing in the house and pours it out on God (in reference to Mary at Bethany and her extravagant worship of Jesus)."

I have been doing this wrong. I made the initial move correctly. I feel the burn of the Nazirite. But I haven't given my heart fully to the discipline and sacrifice that knowing and being loved by the Father deserves. I haven't been living out of this world. I have been eating the same things I always would, the same things that this world eats. I have issues with food. I can very easily get obsessed with stuff. At the beginning of 2010 I did a Daniel Fast and got so obsessed with counting calories that I basically stopped eating all together. But as I surrender my EVERYTHING to God, I know that it won't become an obsession, because the pleasure I get in Christ will be so good and my mind and heart will be so focused on Jesus, I cannot get focused on food. I know that if I dedicate it to the Lord, He will honor my request.

I want to live as a Nazirite, not of this world. Another quote from the book is, "But they themselves will demonstrate, by the quality and sacrifice of their lives, a new alternative of hope and compassion in the earth. They will live out the kingdom of God in love, forgiveness and outrageous acts of compassion for the poor and the oppressed." That is the desire of my heart. I want to walk as a Nazirite, a person from another dimension, as Pete Greig's Vision talks about.

21 days (three weeks) into my vow, I am changing things. I am taking my vow to a deeper level. I am challenging society and willingly receiving opposition from mediocre Christianity. I am changing the way I eat. I am changing the way I do discipline. I am changing the way I live. All for the Gospel of Jesus.

The Lord is shifting my reality into heaven.

Friday, October 15, 2010

rest upon us

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us, establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands. Ps. 90:17 (NIV)

And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands--yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it. (AMP)

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands. (NKJV)

This week, I'm in DC with three of my best friends. We dedicated this break to the Lord, telling Him that He deserves the glory, and asked Him to let us be vessels of pouring it out. Yesterday, as we prayed healing over a woman with cancer, the Lord brought this verse to my eyes. I read it, knowing that this would be our theme for the weekend; this would be the legacy the Lord would have us walk in. The favor [and beauty] of the Lord is resting upon us. And He is establishing the work of our hands FOR US. I LOVE that! Not only is He establishing the work of our hands, but He is doing it for us. Because we are incapable. We can't just let Him establish the work of our hands, but He has to do it for us. Listen to this image the Lord just gave me. When I was a little baby, my mom would buy (purchase) my clothes. But she didn't stop there. She also dressed me in them. She didn't leave me to dress myself, but she clothed me. The Father does the same with us. He has His favor, and He freely gives it to us. We can receive it and use it, but it only reaches the true glory of God is when He uses the gift He gives us through Himself. We can use it without Him, even though He gave it to us, we can do it by ourselves. For example, the Lord has given me the spiritual gift of serving and I can serve, but not do it for the glory of God, even though I'm using a gift that He gave me. But when I serve, serving in the power of Christ, I get complete satisfaction from the Lord.

Thank you God for not just giving us a gift, but You being the One to use it in us. Establish the work of Grace, Talloch, Graham, and my hands, for us. You're so amazing Father. Thank you!

Friday, October 8, 2010


Today marks week one, of 26 weeks, of being a Nazirite. On October 1, 2010, I made a vow to God, consecrating myself to the Lord as a Nazirite. I vowed many things to the Lord, one of which being to blog weekly. So here is my first blog since I started. Thus far the Lord has led me into the wilderness. I believe as John the Baptist spent time in the wilderness, I too am going into a period of wilderness. In the beginning, it was really rough. Because I'm an only child, I love alone time, however, I have stumbled onto this trail that is quite lonely. I know it is going to be amazing because He is leading me along the narrow path, into His embrace, but I'm still getting used to the idea. The loneliness has really been affecting my mood, so my best friend Andrew told me that although I'm in the wilderness, the wilderness still has season changes.

Jesus, make it spring in this loneliness.