Week Four: Essential Oils & Herbs VS. Antidepressants

This week has had a lot of highs and lows.  My withdrawal symptoms have subsided for the most part.  I don't feel particularly depressed, but I have been crying a lot, mainly at television shows... I haven't been taking welbutrin daily this week, just whenever I realize I haven't taken it in a few days, which also means I haven't been taking my vitamins.  There are just SO MANY of them.  I've been doing so well with my oils though.  Yesterday I put in an order for 4 new oils to add to my routine.  

I got featured on a Richmond located shop treasury list on Etsy this week.  Looking through my fellow vendors, I discovered one of the shops made diffuser necklaces for essential oil aromatherapy.  Check out the shop here.  Although I'm an etsy vendor and should support other local shops, I'm also a DIYer to the extreme, so I found a cute little locket type thing that would fit a little pom pom and put it on a necklace with a little flower charm I already had.  It's cute and I'm loving having the scents around my neck all day.  If you aren't into DIY and would like a diffuser necklace, you should totally buy it from this RVA etsy vendor though.  

In other news, ETSY ETSY ETSY ETSY ETSY.  My bouquet is trending y'all.  I've been getting emails and emails from people telling me that they love my work and that they wish I would have been around 15 years ago.  It's been so flattering.  I have a difficult time accepting praise, so this is strange, but very exciting.  And the fact that it is MY wedding bouquet that is getting all this attention just makes me feel very special. 

In the entire month of February, I got 191 total favorites on etsy.  In this first 15 days of March, I have gotten 1,585 favorites.  

Oh and Kevin and I have been totally up in the air about what we're doing in life.  We decided not to renew our lease because our apartment is so expensive, but now we have less than 60 days to find a new place to live, whether that be in an apartment or a house we buy, or in Richmond or anywhere else in this world.  We're so very confused.  It's harder now that I'm not on my meds, but we'll figure it all out and hopefully we'll get to have a baby in the next year or so.  

Much love to you, blog world.  

Week Two: Essential Oils & Herbs VS. Antidepressants

Hey y'all! I've been using essential oils & herbal supplements for 14 days now!  Things have been going decently well.  Life is sort of stressful at the moment, so that doesn't help.  Crafting by Knight is going very well, so well in fact that I can hardly keep up.  And Kevin and I just have a lot to pray about our future, and that has been weighing pretty heavily on me.

This week I got little roller bottles and defractionated coconut oil to mix in the roller bottles with my oils.  It is a ton easier to regularly apply oil on my back and feet when I can just roll it on.  

The only consistently odd thing that I've been experiencing this week is being hot when I logically should be cold. I'll go to sleep with all the blankets and sheets thrown off of me and still wake up sweaty and heated.  Kevin says my body has been crazy hot when he gets home in the middle of the night too.  It doesn't just happen at night either, I was driving around in 36 degree weather with the window down and my sleeves rolled up.  I finally bought a thermometer.  I've been waking up with a lower than usual body temperature even though I feel super hot.  Fortunately, it's not really a big deal and I think it will go away in time.

Thursday I took my last 50mg of Zoloft.  Now that 2 days have gone by without it, I've started having some side effects tonight...  In November 2012, I switched from Lexapro to Zoloft.  Both are very addictive SSRIs.  Weaning off Lexapro was awful because I got these things that people in the antidepressant community call "brain zaps."  They are common in antidepressant discontinuation syndrome, particularly in lexapro and zoloft.  

Brain zaps are basically what they sound like.  It's like an electrical shock shoots through your head causing dizziness, blurred vision, pain, and fatigue for a few seconds.  It so far is only happening when I walk around, but it happens every few seconds while I'm standing.  When I sit or lay down it seems fine.  If I recall, when withdrawing from lexapro, it got to where it happened while sitting and lying down also, but only lasted a week or two.  So I'm on day 2 of withdrawal I suppose.  I'm going to try taking extra GABA plus because it supports brain function and see if it helps at all.  

Week 3 here I come!

A new outlook on life (:

 I know not too many people read this blog, so I feel okay posting this.  


I'm officially slowing down.  


I'm not graduating in May.  I'm not taking 18 credit hours ever again.  I'm not going to live for the future.  I'm not moving to Vegas.  


I'm going to be completely vulnerable with you here...  I was on the verge of needing to be admitted to a psych ward.  I cannot handle life as is anymore.  I'm far to overwhelmed and spiraling downward.  I cry waaaaay too much, far more than a normal person.  I've been feeling depressed.  I was believing lies.  


I saw that I was going down a path that led to death, not life.  A path that was hopeless.  Thank God I realized this before it was too late.  But I'll be honest, it took my best friend months of telling me to stop before I actually listened.  Seems like the best decisions I've made in life are things that I avoided for months, then once I actually went through with them, my life was forever changed.  


So I'm trusting that this is going to change my life for the better, just like in high school, after months of a friend persisting on my need to go to church with him, I finally went and Jesus captured my heart and I have never been the same.  


Now, I don't know what I'm doing.  I've decided to no longer live in expectation of what the future will hold.  I am not going to live for the next moment, for the next season, for the next year.  I am going to live in this beautiful moment that my Papa has given me.  I'm going to take every minute as a blessing.  


You know, the unknown is where I belong. What child rules the household and makes plans for the future? It's not the child that spends hours planning meals and scheduling playdates, etc. The kid just plays in his parent's house and his daddy feeds him and takes him places. The child doesn't stress out that he might not have food, he knows his dad will provide. I belong in the unknown. I was created to call him Abba, Father. He's my Daddy, not my husband, not my kid.


So here I am.  Completely free of the unrealistic standards that I've created for myself.  


I am loved.  I am His girl.  I'm in His lap.  I'm right where I belong.