heal the broken & break the proud

If you only follow this blog, not my facebook/tumblr/pinterest, you're probably wondering about my wedding.  And I'm going to tell you all about it and show you pictures soon, but this is more important.  The wedding was the best day of my life, but what I need to tell you about today is life long and eternal.


I've been interning at the pregnancy center for the last several weeks.  Lots of observing sessions, envelope stuffing, sitting through parenting videos, etc.  Today I got to be the counselor and was observed by my advisor.


I love my internship.  I am 100% dedicated and passionate about everything the pregnancy center does.  I was skeptical going in.  I was scared that I was going to be judgmental or intimidated.  I was nervous.  But as I've watched people and learned the swing of things, I've fallen even more in love with my job.  It's incredible.  It's the most humbling thing.  Sometimes I think it's even more humbling than doing work with orphans in Africa or prostitutes in India.  Because these girls, I could have been.  If I would have made one wrong move in the 10th grade, I could have gone into a different group of friends and had a totally different life.  I could be 19 with two kids.  I could be a 21 year old smoker with an abusive boyfriend trying to get an abortion.  I could be 15 taking honors classes on the varsity basketball team with a positive pregnancy test.  I could be single 34 and pregnant for the 8th time.  I could be.  [Those are just examples, not actual people I've met.]


Today, for my first client ever, I had the most broken girl my supervisor said I would probably ever have.  She said it would only be easier.  I guess they broke me in good today.  I left the center heartbroken.  My spirit was so heavy I felt like vomiting.  They say carrying others burdens is a weighty task.  That couldn't be more the truth in this field of work.  


I got to share the gospel with this girl - a girl with no religion who had never really heard the real gospel.  A hurting, broken girl who knows pain and suffering more than most.  I got to tell her that Jesus loves her and forgives her.  She knows she's sinful and dirty.  She didn't need me to remind her of the law of God that she has broken.  So I didn't.  I told her about God's grace and mercy and love.  His Father love, His Daddy love that this little one did not have.  


I left the pregnancy center upset and heavy-hearted.  I drove straight to the bible study my husband and I go to on Thursday nights.  I wrapped myself in my husbands arms and told him I wanted to cry for this girl.  The night went on.  We shared a meal with the body of Christ and this bible study, then we opened the Word; and wow was the Spirit there.  We studied Mark 10.  We have this incredible way of studying the bible through observation, interpretation, and application.  The section we worked through tonight was "The Rich Young Ruler."  I'm sure everyone can recall that story.  The rich young ruler asks Jesus how he can have eternal life, Jesus tells him to sell everything he owns, he leaves unhappy.  As we talked through it, I had some major revelation.  


Whenever a broken, sick, injured, hurting person came to Jesus, Jesus healed them.  I could give you a thousand cross references, but I'll just tell you to read any of the gospels and you'll see it.  


However, when this rich young ruler who had "never" broken the Law came to Jesus, Jesus broke him.  He was humbled, his "spirituality" was shattered. 


I've never understood evangelism like this before.  We don't have to shove sin in the broken's face to convince them to repent and follow Jesus.  We have to love them and show them our Father's love.  We have to tell them the good news!  But the proud have to be broken.  We have to show them the Law and help them to see that they are not a saint, but were born a sinner because of the Fall.  


Heal the broken & break the proud.


Give them all Jesus. 


Amen.

grace

Recently I've developed this idea in my head that I want to be rebellious.  It occurred to me that sin sounds fun.  So I started taking actions to be "rebellious."  Not anything too extreme, but non-the-less, rebellious.  


I started feeling very guilty about it, because I know I'm better than the things I was doing.  If for no other reason, it was unhealthy.  


I was talking to my good friend about the mistakes I had been making and how I wanted to sin, then almost out of no where, I said to him that my life is always going to be messy because I want nothing more than to be with the messed up.  I went on to list all of these things that my heart is crying out to do.  Then a few hours later I watched this incredible sermon another friend was teaching.  It rocked my world.  I'm not going to go in detail, I would rather just encourage you to watch it, but it talked about being a new creation.  The thing about this guy is that he makes his teaching practical and tells you how to live it.  He literally used a diagram and gives so many illustrations that it's almost impossible to not understand the message.  He literally talked about how sometimes Christians get the idea that it would be fun/enjoyable to sin.  Or how other Christians just feel like because they struggled with it before Christ, they always will struggle with it.  He explained the concept of becoming a new creation, then how to renew your mind.  To watch his video, click HERE.  To read an article of his on renewing your mind, click HERE.


His video really brought me full circle.  I saw that my mind was being deceived that I wanted to sin.  I remembered what I told my other friend about wanting to devote my life to messy people.  I realized my heart knows who I am.  That I am a new creation.  However my mind was trying to convince me that although I was a new creation, my actions still would reflect my old nature.  False.  My actions will reflect my new nature.  I just have to train my mind to remember who I am in Christ.  I am hidden in Him and I shall not forget again.  I have the Hebrew word "zakar" tattooed on my wrist, which means "to remember."  You'd think I would have gotten the hang of it by now...  


I'm thankful for grace.  


I'm thankful that God doesn't give up on me, even when I hurt Him and run from Him.  


I'm thankful that I am a new creation with a heart of holiness.


Feel free to take a glimpse into my heart, into my Fathers heart...  


(I wrote this a few minutes ago into a message to my friend who preached the new creation sermon)

My heart just desires to be sitting on the dirt floors of brothels brushing the hair of a girl as she prepares herself for her night at "work," selling her body to numerous men, I want to be there, loving her out of her bondage and into the freedom that comes from knowing Jesus. I want to go into villages that have been cursed so that no baby will make it out of her mothers womb because girls are disposable, and I want to speak life over the women and tell them about a God who values them, a God who created them in His image. I want to touch lepers and see their rotted limbs turn new. I want to sing orphans to sleep and have them tell me about the dreams they have of this big Papa who dances with them in the moonlight.