when satan hides my tennis shoes & key card

It has been 20 days since I started my healthy eating plan/life change.  It's been rough to depend on God and not on food, but God has given me the strength to stand strong and not give into my cravings.  I have not, however, started exercising.  I have lost 9 lbs and possibly an inch or so, but haven't yet been motivated enough to go to the gym.  Last night I talked to my health mentor about how I really really really want to exercise and how I know I'll feel so much better and just have an improved life, but I just haven't been able to force myself to take the first step.  She pretty much told me that it was okay because I am determined, so she knows I'll work up the courage to just do it.  

When I woke up this morning, I told myself this was the day.  Today I will exercise.  Today I will stop making excuses and take that first step.  

I told my husband and put on my workout clothes.  I told him bye as he left for work and went to put on my tennis shoes.  I searched...

and searched...

and searched...

and searched...

and my tennis shoes were no where to be found.  I decided that satan was trying to give me an excuse not to exercise but I said NO.  I am going to exercise!  So I put on some other shoes that aren't really suitable to workout in, but who cares, I need to take this first step.  I made up a water bottle, got my iphone and headphones, then went to get the keys that holds the keycard to my apartment buildings gym.  My husband and I only have one car.  He took my set of keys with him when he left with the car.  It's okay though because his keys also have the gym keycard on them.  So I went to the places where he usually sets down his keys.   I searched...

and searched...

and searched...

and searched...

and his keys were no where to be found.  You've got to be kidding me!  On the day I decide I will be strong and workout, my tennis shoes and my keycard to the gym is missing!  If I wasn't so determined, I would have just let satan win.  But I was angry at him.  How dare he hide my shoes and keys!  The nerve of him!  My God is way more powerful than satan, so I told him so.  And I turned on the wii and did part of a Denise Austin workout video wearing socks in my living room.  Sure it wasn't the elliptical or weight lifting, but the warm up was enough to take my breath away and raise my heart rate.   Today I exercised.  It was only for like 15 minutes, but that was 15 minutes more than I've done in the last few months.  And now that I've taken this first step, albeit a tiny one, I will go to the gym tomorrow wearing tennis shoes (even if I have to buy a new pair) and climb on that elliptical.  I may only be able to make it 15 or 20 minutes, but the fact that I'm on it makes me feel better.  It gives me peace in my heart.  Peace that only comes from my Father.  I've only been consistent with exercise once in the last year and during those few weeks, I felt peace and happiness and confidence.  I want that again.  His mercies are new every morning.  Today satan tried to defeat me, but my Lord empowered me.  Tomorrow His mercies will be new again and I will be prepared to punch satan in the face.  

this time is different

This morning I stood naked in front of my bathroom mirror and told myself this is the first day of the rest of my life.  I have struggled with my weight and dieting for most of my life.  I remember when I first started gaining weight at 10.  I was growing boobs and my body was changing, as everyones does when approaching puberty.  I will never forget the day that a neighbor of ours was standing on my porch with my mom and I when she looked me in the eye and said, "You sure do have a spare tire.  You should work on that."  I remember asking my mom what a spare tire meant, aside from the car.  She told me how people use that term to say that you have a fat belly.  From that day forward, I saw myself as fat and ugly.  And you know where I found solace?  McDonald's supersized french fries.  I was in the fifth grade at a new school and I got fat.  I didn't have all my best friends in my class like I was used to.  My teacher constantly had subs because she had a baby.  Things were changing all around me, so I ate french fries.  

Remember when Eve ate of the forbidden fruit and she and Adam realized they were naked?  God found them hiding, ashamed and asked, "Who told you that you were naked?" (Genesis 3:11).  God then clothed them because He cared for His creation.  I feel as though I am Eve and ate of the junk food.  When He came to me in His loving grace and asked me "Who told you that you were fat?" I ran from Him and hid deeper into the garden eating more and more of the forbidden junk food.  He came to me with arms wide open, full of acceptance, grace, strength, power, redemption, and help to become a healthy person and instead of running to Him, I have ran for the past 13 years in the opposite direction.  Of course I have loved God with most of my heart and I know that I am redeemed, but the food thing, I couldn't give that to God.  I couldn't let Him cover my shame because I caused my shame by eating crap.  I couldn't bear to hear Him tell me that I was beautiful because I only allowed my appearance to tell me that I was fat... which led me to the forbidden fruit all over again.  I have dieted hundreds of times.  I've failed.  I have exercised so much, but I always end up feeling defeated and giving up.  I have never asked God to help me with my weight because I was ashamed and I thought it was totally stupid to need God's help with something as stupid as not having the self-control to put down a Reese's Cup.  

But this time, this time is different.  I am asking God for help.  I need to get healthy.  I don't care about getting skinny anymore, I care about having a healthy weight.  I hate going to the doctor because they weigh me and tell me that I am obese.  I have a wonderful husband and I want to start a family with him one day.  But at this point, if I got pregnant, I could potentially harm myself and my baby because of my weight problem.  I don't want this curse of excess weight to fall on my child.  I want to be an awesome role model for my future daughters.  I'm ready to take this leap of faith and trust God to sustain me.  I am ready to turn to the Lord when I am craving a piece of cake or a donut and ask Him to fill me up and give me the strength to eat fresh vegetables instead.  

I have decided to do the "wheat belly" diet.  I am giving up wheat, sugar, and most grains.  I have researched many different plans and this is one that I believe will actually work for me.  I carry the majority of my weight in my stomach and pretty much everything I normally eat has wheat of some kind in it.  I am really excited to see how my body will transform as I eat healthy.  Many people have said that along with drastic weight loss, they also have more energy and less depression.  I struggle extremely bad with depression to the point that I have to take 3 prescription medications a day to manage it.  I believe that losing weight through exercise and healthy eating will help my depression to some degree.  I'm not expecting it to disappear, but I know depression has been a side effect of my junk food habit.  

As of this morning I need to lose 66.2 pounds, yet instead of feeling like I will fail, I feel empowered, as I know the Lord is holding my hand. 

I am also taking part in the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study for the book Made to Crave.  I've only read about half the book in the last week, but it has absolutely changed my life and know that it will continue too.  I am excited to study the bible with a group of women from all around the world as we discuss our struggles to stop idolizing food and learn to crave God.  This week our scripture is Psalm 84:2:

My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the Lord, my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

I am done yearning for junk food.  The desire of my heart is to yearn for the Lord as David did.  I know this journey isn't going to be easy, but I also know that it will be worth it.  Please consider praying for me as I cleanse my body of toxic food and fill it with the Bread of Life.

vegan lovin'

I love being vegan. It's only been 4 days, but its wonderful. I'm having so much fun. There are definitely negative parts, so after my one month, I'm probably going to put a few not vegan things back in my diet, but at this point, I don't miss meat or dairy all that much. I miss honey in my herbal tea the most. And since I'm doing vegan for health and weight loss rather than animals, I don't think it's a big deal to use honey. I've also started taking a shit ton of vitamins. And they rock. 

My vitamins:

-ace (it's a weigh loss herbal combo)

-vitamin B12

-b complex

-vitamin c 

-vitamin d

-st. johns wart 

-black cohash

-this Chinese lung stuff 

-biotin

-fish oil

I've been drinking a detox herbal tea every morning and drinking fresh green juice at some point during the day. The only hard part is when I'm out and hungry and would rather just go grab a burger at McDonald's than going home and making something healthy and organic. the weight loss herb is really helping me with not being hungry or needing caffeine. Thank goodness. My husband and I bought a love seat recliner yesterday and the women who sold it to us asked me when the baby was due. I'm not pregnant. Yikes. Yikes. Damn. :/ 

I'm so thankful I have such a loving sweet husband who loves my curves. Since I've been planning and started this vegan deal, he tells me all the time that I'm not allowed to get real skinny because he won't have anything to cuddle and hold onto. :P  

So enough about my personal problems, lets talk food. I'd never eaten tofu before this experience. On Thursday, August 1st, my first day of being vegan, I made vegan chili. I had been wanting chili recently and hadn't gotten around to making it before I made the change. I found some ground not beef (soy beans, etc) made by the veg company Boca. I also got vegan sour cream and vegan cheese shreds. I made some homemade Fritos to go with it. 

  

Let me tell you this right now, vegan cheese is GREAT. I love cheese and thought I could never live without it, but the vegan alternative sure works for me. 

Last night Kevin and I made a big fancy meal. Teriyaki tofu. Firm tofu cut into chunks and marinated in teriyaki sauce. Fried rice with tons of veggies. And some awesome pot stickers filled with portobello mushrooms, avocado, and silken tofu. 

Today we had a major cleaning day. We got that new love seat yesterday, so we had to do some living room cleaning, major kitchen cleaning, and too tons of laundry. I ran the dishwasher twice and Kevin did like five loads of laundry. I also baked bread. Lots of bread. I had two kinds rising at the same time. I wanted to use the rest of the portobello mushrooms in the fridge for burgers, but we didn't have buns. I found a recipe on Pinterest for this cool loaf bread that I had blueberries and strawberries in it. Since I wanted to make that anyways, I figured I could make my own vegan friendly buns. 

I found the bun recipe here:

http://thehealthyfamilyandhome.com/how-to-make-homemade-vegan-hamburger-buns/

It was awesome!! It uses almond milk, flaxseed, and coconut oil. The bread was fluffy and plain ole' beautiful. 

Gorgeous, aren't they?

As for the loaf of bread, the recipe came from here: 

http://www.veganricha.com/2013/07/strawberry-blueberry-bread-loaf-vegan.html?m=1

I haven't tried it yet, but I think it will be good. 

As for dinner, we had portobello burgers, baked fries, and corn on the cob. 

New month, new me.

Where do I begin? I quit no poo, if you've been reading my blog lately. I'm using an organic shampoo for black people and a leave in organic olive oil conditioner. The split ends of my hair were getting worse and worse with the no poo, so I stopped and got my hair cut for the first time in over a year and a half. She had to cut a lot because my hair was so ridiculously broken at the bottoms. It feels wonderfully healthy now! 

I really miss my looooong hair, but I know it will grow back soon enough. 

In other news, I am trying out veganism for the month of August. I am also trying to be more intentional with God. I am going vegan for health, NOT animal rights. I would like to lose 50-60 lbs. In late November, me, my husband, and his family are going to Orlando to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I want to look and feel good by then. 

Coconut oil fail.

I have dry hair. Even with not using shampoo, it doesn't get very oily. I read a post I found on Pinterest about coconut oil hair masks and how awesome it is for your hair. She totally convinced me. Especially since she is no-poo and gave tips on not using baking soda and ACV, but using Castile soap to remove the oil. 

So last night before bed, I massaged coconut oil into my hair. I combed it in and wrapped my hair in Saran Wrap and a tshirt. I went to sleep and got up early to shower it out. I washed it probably 4 times with Castile soap. It felt pretty oily still, but I was hoping that it would dry clean and shiny. 

It didn't. 

 

It was gross. Extremely crunchy. And even more gross. I have never used hair products. I've tried to use curl spray and stuff, but I don't like the way my hair looks or feels. I think my hair today was like greasy super full of product hair. I couldn't handle it. So I got back in the shower when I got back home. 

I tried Castile soap again. Not happening. The oil was just repelling the soap. It would get foamy, but not remove the oil. So I surrendered to my old shampoo. :/ 

I had to. It stripped it. Then I rinsed it with ACV. It looks lovely now. The ends are still a little crunchy. I just had Kevin feel it and he says it is like hay. I think it's because my ends are dead. I have more split ends than mystery stories. (That was a lame analogy, but its all I got). I haven't had my hair cut in probably 18 months or more. I trimmed it myself about 6 months ago, but not enough to actually cut the dead hair. I'm going to do something about it soon, but I just looooove how long it's gotten and don't want it to be shorter. 

And check out my new glasses!! I'm in love with them! 

Itchy.

Today (friday) my hair looked great. It was frizzy, but that's normal. I washed it yesterday with baking soda & apple cider vinegar for the third time since I began. My hair had gotten really greasy in the roots before I washed it. It still looked decent and wasn't too noticeable, but the top felt kind of gross. 

Tonight however, my scalp is super itchy. I'm guessing I must have used too much baking soda. I poured an extra bit into the water mixture that I already had prepared because my hair felt so greasy. I'm assuming that it was a mistake now. All I want to do is get in the shower and wash the crap out of my hair, but I think I need to wait it out. 

In other news, I'm trying to remember to take fish oil and biotin everyday to make my hair grow longer and stronger. I'm horrible at being consistent when it comes to vitamins. I picked up some Chinese herbal capsules at the health food store today for respiratory health. My lungs suck, so maybe I can make myself a schedule or something to help me to take all the various vitamins I'm trying to get into my system. I need to get something new to help me sleep also. Because well, it's 5:39am and I'm not tired. I was tired at midnight when i got into bed, but still haven't fallen asleep. I even got up and cuddled with my kitten and watched tv for a while, but here I am, still wide eyed. 

Tylenol pm makes me sleep, but I'd rather be taking something natural and melatonin doesn't cut it for this gal. I'm jealous of my husband so peacefully sleeping next to me. Speaking of my husband, I'm going to snuggle into his arms and try to fall asleep again. Goodnight... Or good morning, as it is almost 6am. :)

I was born a hippie.

From the womb, I have had hippie roots. My dad and mom met working at concert venues in Atlanta with bands like the Rolling Stones and Madonna. They had long hair and rode horses bareback. My mom never taught me to apply makeup because she doesn't wear it. I followed my friends when shaving legs and armpits. My parents don't think pot is a drug.  I was raised by hippies, and now that I'm almost 22, it's time to embrace the good parts. 

Today I stopped using shampoo. It's a viral thing to do among organic gurus. It's nickname is "no-poo". Instead of shampoo, I am now using baking soda. For conditioner, apple cider vinegar. I've read tons of blogs on it and decided that it is for me. One of my favorite parts of my body is my long, extremely thick,  brown curly hair. I get compliments on it all the time. I've spend the last three years growing it out after a high school/freshman year of college crisis of cutting it extremely short. Growing it was a grueling process at times, but it is more beautiful than ever. My hair is very natural. It has never been dyed. It hasn't been cut in probably 18 months aside from me trimming some split ends. I only wash it a couple times a week. I have never owned a hair dryer. I don't use hair products. So for me, going no-poo seems like the most natural thing to do. Why put shampoo and conditioner in my hair when I don't use any other chemicals in it? Why not let it get to its natural state? 

Because I found so much help in reading blogs to decide to go no-poo, I've decided that I will document my process on this blog. :) 

We'll see if it really is worth it to toss hair products and take the natural road. I'm excited. 

Now I'm going to post some pictures of the evolution of my hair. Maybe in a year it will be better than ever! 

Long hair doll. 

Short hurrrr. 

Last summer. 

Now.