It's all gonna be okay

“I wanna feel Your embrace, I wanna feel Your arms around me, I wanna feel Your heart beating next to mine.

And You’re telling me, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay.

I wanna see Your face, I wanna see who I can be, I wanna see who I can see in the mirror of Your eyes.

And You’re telling me, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay, it’s all gonna be okay.”

- Embrace, Jake Hamilton

I’ve been listening to this song over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over for the last 6 days. Last Sunday night, I was having a meltdown.  I’ve been having a lot of meltdowns lately.  My best friend pulled a chair up next to him, sat me down in it, wrapped his arm around me, and told me that it was all going to be okay.  He proceeded to get his ipod out, hand me his earphones and put on this song.  I sat in the chair and just wept as I listened to Jake sing “it’s all gonna be okay.”  I’m so thankful that my friend hears from the Lord so well, because wow was that song exactly what I needed to hear.  

I’ve probably listened to the song close to 100 times in the last 6 days.  I’ve had a rough week.  I needed to hear that it’s all gonna be okay.  Anyways, I was listening to it today, and I started thinking about the lyric that says “I wanna see who I can be, I wanna see who I can see in the mirror of Your eyes.”  The background of my computer is a photograph I took this summer of an orphan in Haiti.  The other day, my friend pointed out that when you look into his eyes, you can see me.  I had never realized that before.  I want to look at Jesus, and see what His eyes say about me.  I would imagine they would say that I am depraved, naked, broken, empty, and dirty.  

2 Corinthians 5:17-21 says, “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God. God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

Because of this, I guess Jesus’ eyes would say that I am clothed in righteousness, filled with the Holy Spirit, and cleaned by the blood of Christ. 

Thank you God.  Thank you that I have been made whole.  Thank that even though things seem to fall apart sometimes, you are my stability.  Thank you that everything is gonna be okay.  

let us learn together what is good (job 34:4)

In the last two weeks, I have learned that:

• I am terrible at stress management
• impulsive decisions are better left unmade
• in order to constantly pour out, I have to be constantly filled up
• I have anxiety issues
• I can't do "under-pressure"
• vitamins are good
• God is sovereign, even when I can't believe it
• even if it's hot when I leave home for college, I should bring a warm jacket
• car's break and there is nothing I could have done to help it
• not everything is my fault
• sometimes people give bad advice
• depression makes you extremely self-centered
• I need to put a chair in my mind where I leave people, so I don't carry the problems of the world
• I need to be in college
• I really like apples
• I can't take all hard classes
• I've taken 12 credit hours of biology within 3 semesters
• infections and viruses are very different things
• microbiology is actually extraordinarily intriguing
• I'm one of "the boys," whether I like it or not
• I hate dealing with cars
• I hate driving cars and would much rather my best friend, who is male, drive my car
• panic attacks are really scary
• being a missionary is unattractive to most guys
• organic food tastes pretty great
• I have the best friends in the entire world
• a simple word of encouragement or hug can truly change the direction of my day
• "everything is gonna be okay"
• vitamins make your pee neon yellow
• I really like the band vampire weekend
• tumblr is legit, but blogger still has my heart
• I want lots of kids because I really wish I had siblings
• Clayton King is an amazing man and I respect and look up to him so much
• my dorm room is really filled with blessings from the Lord
• as much as I try to talk myself out of missions, my heart beats for the nations
• I am fully and unashamedly obsessed with Harry Potter
• I am hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3)
• photographs make the world a better place
• I am extremely blessed
• folk music owns
• I have a very dorky laugh, but my friends love me for it
• I am quite independent
• I can't wear socks that match
• fall is my absolute favorite season
• 3 months is a little too long to be away from home
• I'm a junior by credits
• I could potentially graduate a whole year early
• my mental health is more important than graduating a whole year early
• I'm going to graduate a semester early and I don't have to take 18 hrs a semester
• writing letters is my favorite
• mercy is in my DNA, whether I like it or not
• the Lord encounters everyone differently

The biggest thing I learned however, is that I have a lot left to learn. Sometimes I forget I'm only 19 and I have a whole lot of life left to live.

If you read my last post, please read this...

My last post was WAY off. I owe anyone who read it an apology.

I said something extremely unbiblical in my last post. I stated, "Jesus said it was impossible for a rich man to go to heaven." This is COMPLETELY untrue, inaccurate, libel, and unbiblical. I apologize deeply to anyone that I misled. One of the next verses in the chapter says,

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.”

Praise God that this is the TRUTH.

I was completely out of line for a lot of things that I said, and was following my emotions, not the Truth. Again, I greatly apologize for what I said. I pray that I did not lead anyone astray.

i may talk you out of following Jesus...

The Lord has really been speaking to me lately and drawing me deeper into Him. Through this, I've been taking Hebrews 12:1-3 seriously. The Lord has blessed me with extreme purity and woven mercy into my DNA. I didn't think I held much on in the flesh. However, I was wrong. The Lord began to show me that just because I don't have problems with lust or major selfish ambition, doesn't mean that I can eat at fast food restaurants and put caffeine and high fructose corn syrup into my body and say that I am pure and unselfish. 2 Corinthians 7:1 says to purify ourselves from everything that contaminates both BODY and SPIRIT. I'm very intentional when it comes to loving Jesus. That may sound lame, but I'm intentional about hanging out with my best friend, so I feel like I should be intentional about loving the living God. In my intentional nature, I decided to do a body detox where I did a full food fast. I fast on a regular basis, so I figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal. However, it was miserable, and I met so much opposition. I choose to do something kind-of radical in order to decrease that Christ may increase, and I meet opposition from Christians. Today, as I wrote a discussion board post for my introduction to missions class, it occurred to me that the more radical I make my life, the more likely non-Christians will be drawn to what I have and the more likely I will receive extreme persecution from Christians (religious people).

This week I have been a wreck. In this process of sanctification and consecration, I am just being hit with the inability to be comfortable with mediocrity. As I read the word and listen for His voice, I see John the Baptist surviving only on locusts and honey, yet still living a life of prayer and fasting. I hear Jesus saying, "Casey, I want you to live a life of simplicity. You don't need three meals a day, just because America says you need that. I want you to find satisfaction in Me alone, not in food." I am scared of the radical life I hear Him calling me into. However, I know it's worth it. I know I have to do it. Or I could walk away from my faith. But I would NEVER do that because I have tasted and I have seen that the Lord is GOOD. He is good! I'm beginning to understand what Paul meant in Philippians 2 when he said to work out my salvation with fear and trembling. I'm extraordinarily fearful.

I started reading Radical by David Platt today. In it, he talks about Luke 9. We easily can say, "Oh well that was for back then, it's not for today." But why? How can we say some of the Bible is applicable and some is not? If we pick and choose what we want to follow or believe, we're saying we are better than God. We are not better than God. David Platt says, "I am convinced that we as Christ followers in American churches have embraced values and ideas that are not only unbiblical but that actually contradict the gospel we claim to believe." Jesus says that "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of man has no place to lay his head." Jesus says we may be homeless. In the next chapter of Luke he says when you go, don't take sandals or a bag. I could keep going, but I think I need to just pray and figure out how to tell my parents that I want to quit college, take my college money and buy a one way plane ticket to India, where I plan on being homeless, touching lepers and healing them.

Please comment. Tell me to do it. Tell me I'm absolutely crazy. Tell me whatever you feel like.

beatitudes

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.”

Matthew 5:3-10

The beatitudes have always been a big deal to me for some reason. Yeah, it’s the word of God, and I guess all the word of God should be a big deal to me, but the beatitudes like hover in my mind all the time. It’s weird though, because the closer I get to achieving them all, the more I question what they really mean. And the more I strive towards them, the more I realize that they are implanted in my DNA, and that I have no reason to search for them.

I think I’m going to go through each of the verses and dig deep into the greek and apply it to my own life and see what happens. Hope you’ll read along. :)

others can, but I cannot

While in Washington DC during fall break, my friends and I went to the Justice House of Prayer (JHOP). JHOP was started in 2004 by Lou Engle with a desire "to fast and pray in our nation’s capitol with a focus on the upcoming elections and for righteousness and justice to be established in America’s government." At JHOP, I noticed a small book called Nazirite DNA by Lou Engle. I recognized it as a book that my best friend Josh, who is interning at IHOP-KC, had told me about. After flipping through the book, I decided to purchase it. Every time I pick it up to read, the Lord speaks to my heart through Lou's words. I should have already finished it by now, as I bought it 6 days ago, but I think the enemy has been trying to distract me from reading it. Today I was sitting in the prayer chapel, journaling, and I decided that I wanted to blog about how having a servant's heart allows me to get hurt so easily because I expect people to treat me the way I treat them. For example, when someone is inconsiderate to me, I get really upset and frustrated because I serve them, so I expect them to be considerate to me. However, because I was in the prayer chapel, I decided it would be rude to pull out my laptop and blog, so I decided to read Nazirite DNA instead. Chapter 3 was called "The Vow." As I read, I realized I had not given my whole heart to God in this vow. I have only given Him like half of my heart, or even a fourth, or heck, it honestly was probably only like an eighth of my heart and dedication. Nazirites should be set apart. I should not be reflecting anything of this world. And lately as I have been learning to pray heavenly things and allow the Lord to edify my spirit, I have tasted and seen that His ways are higher than my ways, and much more satisfying. However, I haven't given Him my whole heart. In the book, Lou states, "Out of love and a higher vision, the Nazirite was actually choosing a lifestyle of holy discipline, which was more conducive to experiencing the pleasure of God on his heart." I haven't been choosing a life of holy discipline. I've been choosing bits and pieces of discipline I thought I could handle, but being a Nazirite is meant to be EXTREME. John the Baptist only ate locusts and honey, which is such an extreme discipline, but not only that, he also lived a lifestyle of fasting. Here is another passage from the book that WRECKED my heart.

"The Nazirite chooses a separated and lonely path, all for the glorious reward of laying hold of that for which God has laid hold of him. You have one life to live. Live it for the extreme - extreme pleasures of knowing God and being used mightily for him. Others can, but I cannot. I have been called as a Nazirite."

"Don't be afraid of loving God too much. The religious status quo will never understand your Nazirite passion. But love never counts the cost. It always get the most expensive thing in the house and pours it out on God (in reference to Mary at Bethany and her extravagant worship of Jesus)."

I have been doing this wrong. I made the initial move correctly. I feel the burn of the Nazirite. But I haven't given my heart fully to the discipline and sacrifice that knowing and being loved by the Father deserves. I haven't been living out of this world. I have been eating the same things I always would, the same things that this world eats. I have issues with food. I can very easily get obsessed with stuff. At the beginning of 2010 I did a Daniel Fast and got so obsessed with counting calories that I basically stopped eating all together. But as I surrender my EVERYTHING to God, I know that it won't become an obsession, because the pleasure I get in Christ will be so good and my mind and heart will be so focused on Jesus, I cannot get focused on food. I know that if I dedicate it to the Lord, He will honor my request.

I want to live as a Nazirite, not of this world. Another quote from the book is, "But they themselves will demonstrate, by the quality and sacrifice of their lives, a new alternative of hope and compassion in the earth. They will live out the kingdom of God in love, forgiveness and outrageous acts of compassion for the poor and the oppressed." That is the desire of my heart. I want to walk as a Nazirite, a person from another dimension, as Pete Greig's Vision talks about.

21 days (three weeks) into my vow, I am changing things. I am taking my vow to a deeper level. I am challenging society and willingly receiving opposition from mediocre Christianity. I am changing the way I eat. I am changing the way I do discipline. I am changing the way I live. All for the Gospel of Jesus.

The Lord is shifting my reality into heaven.

rest upon us

May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us, establish the work of our hands for us - yes, establish the work of our hands. Ps. 90:17 (NIV)

And let the beauty and delightfulness and favor of the Lord our God be upon us; confirm and establish the work of our hands--yes, the work of our hands, confirm and establish it. (AMP)

And let the beauty of the LORD our God be upon us, And establish the work of our hands for us; Yes, establish the work of our hands. (NKJV)

This week, I'm in DC with three of my best friends. We dedicated this break to the Lord, telling Him that He deserves the glory, and asked Him to let us be vessels of pouring it out. Yesterday, as we prayed healing over a woman with cancer, the Lord brought this verse to my eyes. I read it, knowing that this would be our theme for the weekend; this would be the legacy the Lord would have us walk in. The favor [and beauty] of the Lord is resting upon us. And He is establishing the work of our hands FOR US. I LOVE that! Not only is He establishing the work of our hands, but He is doing it for us. Because we are incapable. We can't just let Him establish the work of our hands, but He has to do it for us. Listen to this image the Lord just gave me. When I was a little baby, my mom would buy (purchase) my clothes. But she didn't stop there. She also dressed me in them. She didn't leave me to dress myself, but she clothed me. The Father does the same with us. He has His favor, and He freely gives it to us. We can receive it and use it, but it only reaches the true glory of God is when He uses the gift He gives us through Himself. We can use it without Him, even though He gave it to us, we can do it by ourselves. For example, the Lord has given me the spiritual gift of serving and I can serve, but not do it for the glory of God, even though I'm using a gift that He gave me. But when I serve, serving in the power of Christ, I get complete satisfaction from the Lord.

Thank you God for not just giving us a gift, but You being the One to use it in us. Establish the work of Grace, Talloch, Graham, and my hands, for us. You're so amazing Father. Thank you!